I shouldn't be here anymore.

Damaged

I'm so damaged that complete strangers can tell.

I FAILED

I failed the crazy test. I was medicated at correct doses, not drunk at all, just being me and you could tell. They ran. I failed the crazy girl test. If I am scary crazy on a good day...this just isn't going to go well.

I can't keep up sane like this if this is how the world will react to me. Despite all the lies and the faults he was the only one who could pull me back to the real world and he's just gone. I'm left alone with the crazy.



Scariest thing - they haven't even begun to see crazy. And I don't want to go there. I really don't but if I'm avoided and left alone because I am the crazy girl, that is exactly where I will end up. 




Crazy girl - fail
Life           - fail

Coming Back

He's not coming back, is he?

I hate you

I hate you because this is the worst time in my life and you aren't here for me. You promised to be there for me and you aren't. You are a bad person. Any part of you that tells you otherwise is lying. No good person would do to me what you have. And believe me I know bad people.

Evenings

Evenings are the hardest. I miss you the most in the evenings.

The Stupid Little Things

Everyday I wake to a number of things that remind me of you.  The fun part - each day its something new. Vacuuming did it today. No idea why. But it made me think of when you called her your "wife" in our last conversation.

I can't keep doing this. I used to be a strong person but I'm not anymore. I'm tired and I'm lonely.  I've stopped eating again. I can't keep doing this.