I've decided I am looking for a hockey fan. This is important to me and not necessarily for the reasons most would assume. Yes I love the game but I am by no means a super fan.
One of the things I miss the most about my relationship with JR was talking about hockey. It was something we both loved and everything exciting that is happening, I want to share with him. It was a closeness that the two of us shared, just us two. Yeah he talked hockey with his friends but when he talked it with me the bond could be felt.
I also learned that it was a safety net. I am not the easiest person to be around at times. I am moody and very often under a cloud of bad memories and experiences. When a subject came up in our conversation that I didn't think our relationship was ready for or that I just wasn't ready for, I could fall back on hockey. My over-sharing or conversely going silent on things had doomed many relationships. In this relationship hockey helped me work around that. "Where did those scars on your arm come from?" "Don't worry about that. Have you seen the drama over the Kolvy trade." "Why can't I touch your back" "Did you hear that Crysby is out? Can they just keep him out? I mean really what would be so bad about not having him back?"
Potential drama or an uncomfortable moment deferred. Deferred to when our relationship is stronger or when I am more equipped to deal with the answer.
I miss that relationship with someone. A friendship with depth but plenty of opportunities for safety without running. Ideal.
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